Leroy Chevalier Puisseguin Saint-Émilion 2011 (France)

Nose:  Really light, with a tiny bit of oak

Taste:  Definitely oaky and dry

Finish:  Medium tannins, but nothing else of note

What we say:  S - 'The nose has a tiny hint of wet dog.'  V - 'This is possibly the lightest nose we've had.'  S - 'Tastes a little bit lie smokey wet dog.'  V - 'It's pretty unimpressive.  This is why we don't drink French wine.'

What they say:  Nuttin'

Rating:  3

Price:  £6.99

Marqués de Valencia Gran Reserva 2004 (Spain)

Nose:  Hit of berry at the beginning, but the remainder is pretty woody.  Reasonably sharp; relatively unremarkable.

Taste:  Pretty bitter all the way through.  Definitely woody in the taste, maybe with a touch of fruit - super dry.

Finish:  Bitter

What we say:  S - 'My nose has issues today, I just smell sharpness'  V - 'The tannins are running wild'  'It has a consistent sharpness in the mouth that is only accented in the finish - this is about as dry as I think we've had it.'  'If you are into a tannin bomb then this might be your thing, but it's not mine.'  S - 'There's stuff going on here, but the finish is a killer.'  'Maybe it's a cheese wine - you certainly can't have it with cherries - the finish just beats you up!'

What they say:  Nuttin'

Rating:  3 on its own, though 6 when paired with a strong cheese.

Baron de Lafontade Bordeaux AOC 2010 (France)

Nose:  Super light, greasy chicken?

Taste:  Very light, indistinguishable flavours

Finish:  A bit bitter

What we say:  S - 'I'm having trouble smelling anything'  V - 'Smells like alcohol'  S - 'Unremarkable.  Kinda watery'   V - 'The taste blooms in your mouth after the wine is gone, but it's not great'

What they say:  Aromas of red fruits with the presence of tannins

Rating:  3

Hacienda López de Haro Tempranillo 2009 (Spain)

Nose: Super light to non-existent.

Taste: Pretty unremarkable, maybe a little woody.

Finish: A tiny bit of bitterness, but almost nothing to it.

What we say: S - "There's nothing exciting about it. I wouldn't buy it again." V - "That's about as light as you can get in a wine. It's almost the opposite of full-bodied - it basically does nothing. I think the only good thing about the wine is that it's not gross and it will get you tipsy, but I can't say anything more than that."

What they say: Tastes like red fruits and licorice.

Rating: 3